Letter to the Editor: The Unveiling of SGD Late Night

Dear Frat-Stars, I mean Gentlemen,

It’s a chilly November evening. You’re alone, in Perkins, where no one can scream without starting an Asian race war. You’re hiding from feminists, powerpoints, your girlfriend, your Shooters girlfriend, a sober Saturday morning, calories, and the Greek Conduct Board. What do you do? Where do you go? SGD has saved you, well sort of.

The men of SGD know what true fear is. Fear is that some sororstitute might overthrow our sweetest bros in the race for Young Trustee. Fear is that Duke women are trying to undermine the values instilled in us by Soulja Boy. Fear is that the fuzz will discover our child porn collections. Fear is realizing that one day SGD chapter meetings could be run with over 30% slampiece attendance.

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Common Ground to be Held at the Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

Race Relations Center—The Race Relations Center will now move their annual fall break retreat, Common Ground, to a hotel, motel or Holiday Inn, Common Ground Facilitator Pitbull said.

The decision to change the retreat’s location was made after Sanford School of Public Policy researchers published a report saying that those who engaged in interracial sexual relations were less likely to harbor feelings of prejudice towards other races. The study reports that this correlation exists regardless of sexual orientation.

Students attending the retreat will be paired with other students, either of the same gender or opposite gender, of a different racial background. They will then after-party in the hotel lobby, where they will “freak some more,” Pitbull said.

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