Archive for the ‘Food & Dining’ Category

Schicano Auditorium—Duke Student Government will hold an emergency meeting to vote on whether or not it will pass a resolution that would give the president the authority to send a “strongly worded” e-mail to University administrators expressing disappointment over the new “directed choice” dining plan, DSG Executive Vice President Gerald Marrysen said. The resolution is expected to pass unanimously, and the e-mail will be written within 24 hours of the resolution’s passing, senators say. According to DSG President Ashley Noir, the e-mail may include as many as 10 exclamation points and the tone will be “harsh and even critical.” An amendment to the resolution proposed by sophomore Lelsie Mandel would stipulate that the e-mail must include no less than three “sad face” emoticons to symbolically express students’ unhappiness with the new dining plan. Administrators have have already made plans to address DSG’s lobbying efforts by deleting the e-mail from their in-boxes and pretending they never got it.


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Faculty Commons—The annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet, to be held Wednesday from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Faculty Commons, will feature crocodile heads instead of turkey. “We wanted to promote eating locally,” Director of Dining Service Jacob Willeen said, “And you can’t get more local than genuine crocodile meat straight from the WaDuke golf course’s pond at Hole 9.”

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Dear Tommy of Tommy’s,

I was shocked to learn that you will be adding a salad bar to your fair establishment. I frequent Tommy’s to shove my face full with greasy grubs and wash it all down with your refreshing suds. But Tommy’s is more than a feeding trough to me; it’s a man cave. It is my refuge from the harsh socioeconomic consequences of a world dominated by feminists and vegetarians. By adding a salad bar, you will invite these undesirable elements into my sanctuary. Please reconsider this decision.

Robert Donnel

Trinity ’13

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Great Hall—Duke Dining Services confirmed that pancakes are not being served at the Great Hall today. The Great Hall is only serving foods made from local farms today, and pancake ingredients are apparently not found in farms within a 150 mile radius of the University. “I don’t understand how this could happen,” junior Linda Fenda, pancake enthusiast, said, “All I want is a short stack of chocolate chip pancakes every day. Is that so much to ask for?” Fenda was instead forced to eat a bland concoction of rubbery eggs and goat cheese for lunch today.

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