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Student Health Center—Vaccines for students who have yellow fever will be offered for free in the Bryan Center for the next week, Chief of Student Health Greg Mend said today. According to the Student Health Web site, some of the symptoms of yellow fever include sudden and inexplicable interest in Asian students, urges to eat at Panda Express and frequent fantasies involving Lucy Liu. Students affected by yellow fever are usually white males. Students exhibiting these symptoms should report to Trent Hall immediately and dine at Grace’s.

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