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Archive for the ‘Letter to the Editor’ Category

As many of you have heard, the annual “library party” died a slow, quiet and yet undignified death at the hands of Duke Partners for Serving. On behalf of DPS, I would like to apologize to the Duke community: our disorganization and incompetence have killed this new, but beloved tradition. We have a lot of excuses—our co-sponsor Lavender, for example, pulled out—but the best explanation is perhaps the simplest: we’re just not good at organizing things or getting things done or raising money or dealing with money or communicating with other people or dealing with time pressures or following through with shit. (more…)

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Dear students,

Early Tuesday morning, two students were victims of an armed robbery. As a reminder, please be aware of the following general safety precautions:

1. When confronted with a potential robber, make sure you make “I” statements. Be assertive without putting the blame on the listener. ( e.g. “I understand that I have money that I should be giving to you.”) (more…)

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Dear Tommy of Tommy’s,

I was shocked to learn that you will be adding a salad bar to your fair establishment. I frequent Tommy’s to shove my face full with greasy grubs and wash it all down with your refreshing suds. But Tommy’s is more than a feeding trough to me; it’s a man cave. It is my refuge from the harsh socioeconomic consequences of a world dominated by feminists and vegetarians. By adding a salad bar, you will invite these undesirable elements into my sanctuary. Please reconsider this decision.

Robert Donnel

Trinity ’13

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Dear beloved Duke,

As we move further into fall and then into winter, I would like to remind the student body of our commitment to looking sexy at all times. I know it’s cold; I’m cold too. But you don’t see me wearing sweatpants. No, I’m rocking a tight-fitting cardigan and dark fade jeans. I make an effort to look appealing to all the fine ladies of this university and I’m disappointed that many of you have not done the same for me. (more…)

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Dear lovely, compassionate sisters of the University’s nine Panhellenic sororities,

I was deeply saddened to learn that you will not be participating in our annual Lip Sync event during our fraternity’s Derby Days. I ask that you reconsider your decision, not for me or my glorious fraternity, but for the children. Derby Days is a fundraising event that directly benefits the adorable and possibly orphaned children of Duke Children’s Hospital. These children depend on your ability to striptease for basic necessities like coloring books and cookies.Without an annual event that objectifies women, many of these children will go to bed feeling unloved by the cruel, cruel world. (more…)

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Members of the Duke University community:

As the president of Duke’s fraternity system, I would like to recognize and take responsibility for some of the awesome and fratacular behavior exhibited at Tailgate on Sept. 26. This is completely consistent with our fraternities’ past actions. Fraternities serve as a driving force behind much of Tailgate, and others often follow our lead and party heartier. Thus, it is important that we take the necessary steps to recognize our members as the frat stars they are.

From this point forward, each participating chapter will be appointing three of its most bitchin’ members to serve as trained “Party Leaders” for Tailgate.  All fraternities participating in Tailgate will be placed into groups and compete to be named most crunk. (more…)

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