Archive for the ‘Science, Health & Technology’ Category

Levine Science Research Center—Almost all Facebook users are safe from personal information leaks from the site because no one cares enough to use said information in any way, a report published today said.

The computer science researchers were working under a grant from the National Science Foundation to investigate privacy issues with Facebook. They found that although users’ pictures and status updates, including updates containing exact locations of the users, were accessible by anyone with Internet access, none of the users they randomly sampled were important or attractive enough for anyone to actually put the effort into finding the information, the study says. (more…)


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Main Quadrangle—A prayer circle in front of the Chapel has solved all of the world’s problems today, God confirmed. The prayer circle was led by members of Come Pray With Us, a religious group that aims to “bring media attention to the face of Jesus,” its Web site says. The prayer group prayed ardently for at least an hour today, ending a wide variety of global and local problems, including global warming, the economy, war, famine and dwindling attendance at basketball games. “I honestly didn’t know that y’all wanted these things fixed,” God said when asked why he did nothing about these issues before he received prayers about them, “When a few people in Durham, North Carolina started praying about all these problems, I was all like, ‘Why didn’t you pray about this sooner?’ “

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The Link—Many students were frightened when Facebook started to become more aggressive today in its left hand “Suggestions” box, the Office of Information Technology announced today. The box, which had previously contained possible persons users should “friend,” now offers commands like, “Help Margaret find more friends.” “Reconnect with Matt. Write on his wall.” “Check out these pictures of Jane. She’s such a slut.” and “Rick is a douche. Kill him.”

Most users were confused by the commands, but complied with them anyway in fear of negative sanctions. Facebook’s official press release regarding the changes says that they are for users’ own good. (more…)

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Fuck smokers. That’s what I have to say to all those assholes who go around blowing cancer into the air I breathe. Tobacco, everyone knows, was invented as a way for the aristocracy to exploit and make money off of the proletariat. Just because we founded this school on tobacco money doesn’t mean we ought to smoke.

Let’s show all those dumbasses what’s good for them and bring a bucket of ice water to stamp out those fools’ flames in front of the James B. Duke statue, Friday at 3 p.m. Snobby self-righteousness shall prevail!

Gretchen Vega is Hunter Vega’s sister.

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Erwin Bay—Psychologists at the University’s Lithson laboratory have finally confirmed what Chronicle columnists have been asserting for years: men focus primarily on personality and intelligence in their search for potential mate.

According to a paper to be printed in the November issue of Annals of Science, the researchers conducted the study on almost 300 college-aged males and found 99 percent of them had little to no interest in a sexual partner’s physical attractiveness and instead based decisions on personality and intelligence. (more…)

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Duke University Medical Center—After several hospital administrative meetings determining how best to keep its patients safe from the H1N1 pandemic, the Duke University Medical Center has decided to no longer admit children infected with the H1N1 virus.

Following the recent policy to bar entry to visitors under 18 years old, this latest measure is likely to vastly increase the effectiveness of swine flu containment at the medical center. (more…)

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Student Health Center—Vaccines for students who have yellow fever will be offered for free in the Bryan Center for the next week, Chief of Student Health Greg Mend said today. According to the Student Health Web site, some of the symptoms of yellow fever include sudden and inexplicable interest in Asian students, urges to eat at Panda Express and frequent fantasies involving Lucy Liu. Students affected by yellow fever are usually white males. Students exhibiting these symptoms should report to Trent Hall immediately and dine at Grace’s.

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