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Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category

Search words: Young Toolbag, Weedicle, Lacrosse, Arnold Potty, Yogibearhead!sucks

+ Good day, loyal readers!!! Weedicle Reality Checker here. Today the University finds itself on the brink of total annihilation. Please read.

+ Last Sunday the Young Toolbag Nominating Committee selected three finalists for the Young Toolbag Pageant, an esteemed position known to most as students as “an extra line on the resume.” However, Weedicle Reality Checker can exclusively reveal now that two of the finalists selected are under investigation for being the same person!!!

Candidates “Matt Davis” and The Kid from Texas (sometimes known as “Ben Getson”) are believed to be the same individual, YTNC officials confirmed Tuesday morning.

“I first became suspicious when I saw their pictures in the Chronic,’” a member of the YTNC (who wishes to remain anonymous) explained. “Both dudes were white with brown hair and glasses. We never talked to the candidates all at once. They could have just worn different shirts to their interviews.”

Since Sunday, four other members of the YTNC have come forward attesting that “Matt Davis” and The Kid from Texas are the same person. Some committee members are still skeptical, though. As one member told RC, “When I read their majors, it suddenly became clear. ‘Biomedical engineering?’ ‘Computer science?’ I mean, those sound exactly the same to me. Then again… so does ‘Underwater Basket Weaving’ and ‘Public Policy.’ It is just too difficult to be certain.”

YTNC Chair and SGD Senator Charisma Lawson continues to maintain that the two candidates are definitely two different individuals. “I mean, one kid is involved in SGD, the other is not. It’s comparing apples to oranges. Now for the girl candidates, on the other hand… to this day I could not tell you which one we chose as a finalist.  I just know it was a girl.  They are all basically the same anyway, right?”

+ Thus far, there has been no word from the Allen building. This reeks of lacrosse!!!

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In a move it failed to communicate to Duke Student Government, Student Organization Finance Committee delegated Duke Partnership for Service the authority to allocate funds to service organization groups. SOFC’s decision to do so, especially without first consulting DSG leaders, is a disappointing misuse of its powers.

This year SOFC has been under pressure to streamline the budgeting process and cut frivolous student spending. It’s risen to this challenge by separating event funding budgetary procedure from the annual student group budgeting process so that the committee can devote more attention to curtailing excessive or over-reported event expenditures. But the move to delegate funding authority to dPS, although driven, presumably, by the same desire for efficiency, is a breach of the trust between the student body and the student government. (more…)

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After spending hundreds of words detailing the problems with the Young Trustee process, The Chronic’s independent editorial board would like to spell out exactly how Duke Student Government Special Secretary Alice Changer can legitimize the Young Trustee selection process. Our proposal is the simple addition of three amendments:

1. All members of the Nominating Committee must be members of The Chronic’s independent editorial board. (more…)

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In light of the emergence of Web sites such as GradeGuru.com—user-generated databases of notes and study materials—The Chronic’s independent editorial board would like to take this opportunity to jump on our high horse once again and lecture our fellow students.

This new model of note-sharing intensifies an already troubling prospect: cooperation in the classroom will inevitably negatively impact the toolbags, and even gunners, who make an extensive effort to deprive other students of equitable educational access. In departments across the University, toolbags will be unable to display their own brilliance if their peers know just as much as they do. (more…)

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