Crazies to Jump Through Hoops for UNC Game

Cameron Indoor—Duke Student Government Head Line Monitor Mach Black proposed at a town hall meeting today that students be asked to jump through hoops made of fire in order to attend the Duke-UNC basketball game. Instead of spending more time in the tent, students will be asked to leap through 13 rings of fire before they can attend the game. According to Black, the proposal is designed to equally distribute the amount of physical hardship students must endure to attend the game. “We are also looking into possibly doing some electric shock pain endurance competitions,” Black said, “I think this will really help put the ‘crazy’ in ‘Cameron Crazy.” Black then proceeded to laugh maniacally for three minutes.

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Irving Engaged to Krzyzewski

Krzyzewskiville—High school point guard Kyrie Irving finally said “yes” to Head Coach Mike Krzyzewskiville’s proposal of marriage today, Irving told People Magazine today.

Krzyzewiski popped the question with an expensive blue diamond on a romantic stroll in the Duke Gardens a few months ago, but Irving, though elated, said he needed more time to think about it, especially considering how he felt about Kryzysewski’s parents. According to Irving, he finally decided to accept the proposal because he realized how much he truly loved Krzyzewiski after he found himself feeling jealous when he caught Krzyzewiski looking at other men.

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