SGD OFFICE, BRYAN CENTER -
At its meeting Wednesday evening, the Student Government of Duke decided to rename the “Young Toolbag Pageant,” in light of its growing concern that the position was being taken too seriously.
“SGD will now refer to the process as the ‘Young Toolbag Circus,’” the new senate bill stated.
“We wanted to make sure that people understood that this position actually has no bearing to anything relevant in student or university life whatsoever,” SGD Executive Vice President Patrick Lime explained.
“When I talked to YTNC Chair Charisma Lawson it appeared that some applicants had erroneously gotten the idea of ‘effecting change’ and ‘making meaningful contributions to their alma mater,’” SGD VP for Stuff Outside the Bubble, Victor Calloway added. “The re-branding of the selection process as a ‘Circus,’ really hits at the totally pointless nature of the position.”
To further enhance the re-branding of the position, SGD also affirmed an order to allow anyone to run in the general election through a “write-in” process.
“I iz so excited to run 4 Young Trustee,” a potential candidate, Kitty McGee wrote in an email. “I iz not even a Dook student, but I iz sew kyute. Plz vote 4 me, friendz.”
Glenn George Jr. III, Trinity ’02 and Young Toolbag from 2002 to 2005 also expressed positive sentiment towards the changes. “I ran for Young Toolbag because I heard they got free trips back to Duke, but I came out with so much less than I had ever imagined. I really hope that as many students as possible snatch up the opportunity to do absolutely nothing for awhile.”
